


moonlight fills the veins beneath your skin

by worry



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bloodlust, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 10:36:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10093214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worry/pseuds/worry
Summary: At one point, he thinks he was holy. At one point, Raphael stopped remembering and the holy-that-might-have-been was replaced with bloodlust.





	

**Author's Note:**

> [ warning: canonical child death mention (camille), blood, sex mention ]
> 
> prompt: raphael, bloodlust

 

He has always been sick, but it has devolved, stepping down from holy to human to  _this—_ _an abomination, bones covered with skin, ghost drowning in translucence._ At one point, he thinks he was holy. At one point, Raphael stopped remembering and the holy-that-might-have-been was replaced with bloodlust.

 

Here is what Raphael remembers:

 

i.

 

Camille is teethdeep in the neck of a baby. It's crying, lamb-like, a fresh holy sacrifice. An animal born and raised just for the kill. It doesn't understand. Raphael knows how to decipher its cries;  _once he was lamb-like, once he was like this baby._ It's something like  _mom, mom, hello, is anyone there, is God listening, is anyone listening, why is this **happening** to me. _Raphael wants to cry with it, wants to rip it out of Camille's hands. It's so young. It has a life. It's so young. It's so young. Raphael had a life, Raphael was so  _young._ Camille is stealing the life of a child, the baby tiny and soft in her hands.

 

Then it goes limp, and she tosses it at Raphael.

 

"Take care of it," she says, and winks; it isn't a suggestive gesture. It's a warning. Does this disgust you? Does this disgust you? You're a disgrace to your own kind, Raphael. It's sitting in both of their minds.  _Disgrace._

 

ii.

 

Freshly-turned, he is teethdeep in the neck of a body. It doesn't matter what they look like, what their gender is, how old they are - Raphael is draining them of their ichor, human body now godlike in his eyes. Gods bleed ichor. Humans bleed ichor. Humans are sacred. Humans are holy. Conclusion: Raphael is not human, or a God, and he only bleeds dark-red, blood so dry from being dead, from just being  _dead,_ that it's devoid of almost all color. He is not holy. Conclusion: Raphael is inhuman, and damned.

 

These are bad memories, bitter. They don't taste right in his mouth. They don't fit against his teeth, only protrude to make him more grotesque to the eye.

 

iii.

 

He is teethdeep in the arm of Magnus Bane, warlock blood tastes different than human blood. It's a good different, a filling different; Magnus filling him with purity, Magnus filling him with humanity.

 

Wait.

 

He imagines himself teethdeep in Magnus' arm. He imagines that warlock blood must taste like moonlight, like every bad nightmare and every good dream Raphael has ever had. Magnus can see this bloodlust; he knows by the way Magnus' cat eyes close slightly, by the way Magnus' hand on his back turns gentle, light, and then disappears completely.

 

"Let's get you something to eat," Magnus says, and waves his hand, thick-red magic producing blood in a chalice.

 

"I wouldn't hurt you," Raphael says quickly, taking the cup from him with some force. "Magnus, I  _wouldn't._ "

 

"Yes," he says. "You would."

 

Raphael is silent.

 

"But I'll teach you how to control your -  _bloodlust._ " The word makes Raphael shiver, especially coming from him;  _does Raphael lust? Does Raphael need blood like one would need sex, or air, or water? Is death like sex, like begging and bucking? Raphael has never wanted either. Raphael was forced into this life._ "How does that sound?"

 

The blood seems to flow infinitely. Raphael makes a low, guttural  _good_ noise, and continues drinking. 

 

Raphael spits out the memories like spitting out fangs.

 

He has always been sick. Sick blood runs through his veins. But now it's a different kind of sickness; he can evolve now, maybe. Become less of a monster, border on the edge of

humanity. The bloodlust stops, moves away, leaving a half-empty body -  _shell -_ in its place.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing for a ficathon, so! Tell me what you think please & kudos if you enjoyed! !!!! Thanks ♥


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